It’s quickly becoming apparent that my favorite haunting ground for PIGI (Probably Isn’t a Good Idea) is the dollar store. I mean, it’s a buck! Heck, I’ll buy just about any novelty for a buck. Misses Zombie and I were wandering the dollar store when I stumbled upon this little gem (gem as in something precious, not that horrible Debbie Gibson wanna be 80’s cartoon hag…if you have no idea what I’m referencing then GOOGLE IT BIZNATCH. DON’T EMAIL ME ASKING ME TO EXPLAIN MYSELF!). I present to you… BACON GRILL!


The can looks suspiciously like Spam. Now, I like Spam. I grew up in a military house so Mom was a master at weaving Spam into our diet and she was sneaky about it. “Here son, I’ll make you a fried bologna sandwich!” Awesome!….damn it, spammed again. Like many things that we detest in our formative years and develop an appreciation for later, Spam is one of my wistful memories of spoiled youth (pun intended).

A quick look at the ingredients and two things quickly come to my eye. First is our friend “mechanically separated chicken”. I’m sensing a trend in these random processed meat products. I’m half tempted to drive over to Park Farms, our local chicken processor, and see exactly how one mechanically separates chicken. It would probably be a fantastic step toward veganism for me. Anyway, the second item that catches my eye is the fact that it actually does contain bacon…huh, I didn’t see that one coming. I can appreciate the fact that the ingredient that comes just before bacon is none other than the currency of the world, salt. So it actually contains more salt than it does bacon. Engineered food at its best.

Popping the top on the can reveals that it does in fact strongly resemble Spam. The odor does faintly resemble Spam only with a hint of smokiness that you would expect from something with a bacon moniker.


It comes out of can with a slight sucking sound a satisfying plop as it smacks the cutting board (if I’m lucky, it will make that exact same sound later). Ah, that nice mysterious gelatinous goo….a staple of processed canned meats. Time for a taste

..hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

…hey, this crap is actually pretty good!
The texture is smoother and softer than Spam. It doesn’t have a greasy mouth feel that I expected. I could describe it as a firm meat cake…hey, it’s spleen pudding!

Time to give it the full Spamyness treatment. A nice fry up and then into a sandwich.

OK, so it’s isn’t exactly a sandwich. It’s a low carb pita with some mayo and mustard. I mean come on, I’m trying to eat healthy here.

Would I eat this crap on a regular basis, hell no. It would throw my regular meat to offal ratio way off I’m guessing. Now, if I lose my job tomorrow I’ll probably have a pantry full of this shit and I’ll be preaching about its medicinal properties like a turn of the century traveling medicine show barker in an attempt to convince myself that I’m not slowly dying from a steady diet of lips, lower GI and pig face.